Just friends.... Impossible!

Tanner Rawle Martin...
Best friend,
amazing,
kind,
sweet,
always there,
soul mate,
talented,
smart,
respectful,
gentle,
gentleman,
trustworthy,
thinks of others,
cute,
stylish,
warm hearted,
funny,
closed book,
mysterious,
educated,
smooth,
responsible,
Mr scared of commitment,
hides a lot of things from most,
drinks,
good looking,
conservative,
smart ass,
witty,
intimidating,
protective,
caring,
spontaneous,
himself,
leader,
clean,
mama's boy,
strong minded,
guitarist,
ex swimmer,
loving,
crazy,
doesn't know what he wants,
sensitive,
puts up with a lot,
doesn't open up often,
into his looks,
music lover,
comforting,
roller coaster,
just lives,
listener,
talkative,
believer,
realist,
closet dreamer,
emotional,
social,
afraid of looking stupid,
relaxed
and my most favorite person in this whole wide world.

I have been threw so much with this boy it is ridiculous. Recently I have came out with my true feelings for him that I have been hiding for the past five years. I guess I hid them because of the fact that I am so scared to loose him. I dont' know what I would do if I knew that Tanner wouldn't be in my life anymore. I honestly wouldn't know who to turn to. He hates when I call him "best friend" even though he is my best friend he knows me better than any other guy in this world and know exactly what to say when I am upset. He is the one person I want to tell everything to no matter if it is good or bad or in between.He also puts up with me being crazy jealous of any girl in his life that I don't know. (when I say crazy I mean crazy.) NO guy has ever drove me to be this jealous of a girl that wants what I want, its honestly not fair.

He is for sure one of my soul mates in life. Right now things are not going as I would like them to go but its okay, I'm not worried. I need to stop guessing what is going to become between us and just live.
I love him with all of my heart and I always will love him. He stole my heart the moment that we kissed for the first time. To bad he has put me on an emotional roller coaster. And I don't know how to feel anymore.